oh martha

does anyone else think it is ironic that martha from the bible is reborn in martha stewart?

so we all know the story of mary and martha... mary is listening to Jesus, while martha is running around, making sure that everything is happening the right way at the right time, etc. martha gets upset with mary, and Jesus points out that mary has her priorities straight.

right now, i am martha. i am doing, doing, doing. knowing that i need to take time to refresh, but not. i need to recharge. i need to stop driving so hard that i miss everything.

i realized last night that i am not finding joy in living. i just push from moment to moment, relieved that each one passes. i don't have fun.

who am i? why have i become this machine? where is my heart?

can i love life again? really love it? can i learn to laugh again? to be light?

how is it at the ripe-old-age of 20 that i cannot name the last time that i really had fun?