caged

It is May, and my mind has room to think again. Time to look back at this year and see who I was. But the more that I examine the year, the more I see how constricted I became. Rules, rules and more rules. I do not want that to be who I am. Yet, it is the black hole that I am most familiar with. I think I spent the whole year being the RA that I was supposed to be, which means that I spent the whole year not being my true self. I cannot say that I was not myself at all... I was. It just wasn't the whole me. It was the "by the book" me. It was the me that I so often wish to escape.

I want my soul to breathe.

But, I cannot force it. That would not solve anything. This whole year has been forced. I am so fatigued... being an RA is tough. Conforming to the idea of a great RA is more tough. And now, after a year of caging myself in the perception of greatness, I must break free.