motivation

something struck me during a conversation tonight. what is my motivation? i mean, it would be really easy to say something like "Jesus," but in reality... why am i doing what i am?


and just in case you wanted to know, i think that is a really difficult question. kind of like the harshness of fluorescent lights compared to candles. you see a million more details, but it kills the imagined idea of what might be hiding in the shadows. i want to think that "good" hides in those unexamined shadows, but tonight was one of those times that i had to admit that i know better than to believe my own lies.

it is really late right now, i know that. but my mind continues to race with the idea of how my life would look different if i evaluated my motives more often...