he loves me.

apparently, i underestimate that God love me. this is probably at least partially true. i don't like the way it sounds. i feel like it is another part of my brokenness. one that i was mostly unaware of previously. regardless, something that needs to be fixed.

but i don't think this is something that i can work on. like it can't be a project... i think the biggest thing is letting myself rest in that train of thought. i don't know. i feel like i can't just wake up tomorrow morning thoroughly convinced that God loves Andra. for who she is. for who she is not.

i wish i could explain this...

scared of the truth

do you ever experience those moments when you hear the truth, but then are afraid to face it?

yeah, that is me right now. running from what i know to be true. i am not surprised by this truth... rather not quite ready to confront it...

rejection

i was watching the bachelorette, and one of the guys that didn't get a rose (ahem, had to go home) said this in his exit interview: "she didn't reject me. she just chose other guys." what?! no, that was pure rejection. don't be arrogant.

this is not a pity-invite for anyone. in fact, i think that one of our biggest commonalities as humans is the rejection that we face. i have been rejected, and it is more than likely that the people reading this blog have too. that is ok. it hurts, it causes our heart to ache, but in the end, we are better people for experiencing the pain. maybe the only thing that makes us better is the point in which we decide that we will not inflict pain in the same way that we have dealt with it.

maybe that is a more major point in life than i give credit. i mean, so many of the things that we experience are valuable only in the light that it makes us better suited to understand others in similar positions. i would never wish tragedy on someone, but those who have faced it are the best at giving comfort to those still in the midst. our experiences can build us to better give to others.

or we can look at our circumstances and pity ourselves.

this time, i am not doing the pity thing. i don't want to go through the coping mechanisms. granted, i have still had my fair share of haagen-daz. but i refuse to be consumed with "poor-me." i have been there, done that, felt the pain, and held onto it for too long. now is the time to change. the time to recognize that this brokenness can be used to make m more whole. to better understand myself. and eventually to be a better friend to someone.

not to be trite or repetitive, but man. i keep thinking about two things. respect and words. respect because if you care about someone, you are more careful (in a good way). words because no matter what i have read or been told, i keep coming back to the fact that they matter. words always matter. and it is the times that we underestimate them and the weight they carry that we hurt others the most.

respect

ok, so the areatha franklin's lyrics may be running through my head, but i feel like it is not too much to ask.

the way that we respect others is the physical manifestation of our thoughts about them. when we respect someone, we are careful with their time: we give advance notice for important situations. this is not to condemn spontaneity, simply to say that if it is significant, prior planning is good.

a pastor once said that he knows how parents talk about him in their home by the way that their children treat him at church. and it is true.

busy

this is supposed to be summer. things are supposed to be relaxed. but instead i still find myself rushing. my days are still packed. all this to say that i cannot wait to go home in a week and a half. i am ready for life to really slow down. a lot.

350 challenge

ok, so i added the badge. because i have become something like a tree-hugger.

coffee at ww is officially green now... and a friend posted the 350 challenge on his blog, so here we go again. i know this is small. but the small things add up. the less gas, the less unnecessary waste, the less carelessness, the better off we all are.

i think that it comes down to the idea that taking care of the earth makes us all better. it's just healthy to be a wise steward.

so take the challenge... be green!

day off

i'm taking today off.

by that i mean that i slept in, went to the memorial day parade, and now i am just doing whatever crafty things i feel like. this si so nice. i can't remember the last time that i just chilled.

no worry allowed.